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Helping Karl
Friends Journal
April 2008
What has happened for me is that I have learned that this life on death row is no different from life being free. Sure there are difficulties and daily challenges, but aren't there everywhere? Victims of Hurricane Katrina still haven't completely recovered; there are wildfires in the west, hurricanes in the east, tsunamis on the other side of the world. The Middle East, including Palestine and Israel, explode with the violence and suffering of the innocent and guilty alike. An innocent child, right now, is being beaten; another innocent child is being possessed sexually for some idiot's selfish pleasure. That is life. It's terrible and unfair at times.
Either you accept it as it is and embrace it, a package deal, or you end up running all your life. Instead, get real inside. You go within and seek God in that stillness, and come back. You learn to live with all your heart, mind, body, and soul. That's all.
Even on death row I love life, the people and everything in it, with all my heart. I might have to deal with some gung-ho OJT (on-the-job trainee), or a lieutenant who's out to make a name for himself by being tough, but you can't let them grind you down. The circumstances in life, wherever you find yourself, are no deterrent to the great joy, peace, and love within each breath, each heartbeat.
If you want to be great in life, do this one thing: don't complain; instead, be grateful. If you need help, if you need support, it's okay to ask for that, but be extra grateful. Gratitude changes everything.
I'll tell you something terribly private. This is from a private journal, the margins of a book I study daily. This guru, my beloved teacher, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda, in Sadhana of the Heart (SYDA Foundation, p. 91), says, Don't wait for favorable change in your destiny. Smile at your destiny right now. Don't turn away from an unfavorable shift in your fortunes. Smile at your destiny. What you think is favorable may not be so great. What you think is unfavorable may be to your advantage.
It reminds me of how Paul says, "Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again, Rejoice!" (Phil. 4:4).
This is what I wrote in the margin of that journal: "Become more aware of the musical, magnetic, delicious dance of the tragedy and fortune. It is always wondrous how they masquerade as each other, and turn our lives upside down."
The greatest gifts in my life have been the tragedies. To be used and abused as a child gave me wretchedness, and a great hidden longing for God, Love, and Truth. All of life comes down to one question: Are you grateful for this? Or are you hurt, sad, mad, confused, or resentful? Really, it's your choice. I have had to fearlessly accept my own responsibility to be a healthy human being.
God hears your prayers, and your innermost prayers create your destiny. Period.
Your scheduled execution by Texas has been set. Do you expect to die this year? How do you feel about this?
The issue before the Supreme Court is most likely a delay—a question of the drugs and procedures for lethal injection—and truly I would rather have real issues addressed in my case. But anything may happen.Right now, the future is not my concern. I might die tonight. This might be the last sentence I type in all my life. So right now, am I doing something meaningful? Am I living with love and peace and truth?
Isn't a smile important? Sometimes a smile can change your whole day. A smile at the right moment, in the right place, can change your whole life.
